What's the Date?
by Peaceouttalove
Summary: The boys discover a time machine.
1. Dinosaur

Chapter 1 Dinosaur

Stan and Kenny were playing videogames at Kyle's house when Cartman came running.

"Oh my God, you guys! You'll never guess what I just found out?" "You're overweight?" Kyle guessed. "Fuck you, Kahl! I pretended to be retarded to get into the Special Olympics again and then I found out that that time machine that Timmy had on wheelchair still works."

"Really? That's so cool! We could go to the future and see how our children turn out." Stan said. "Or we could go back in time and see something historic happen." Kyle said. "Mmmm, mmph, mph." "No, Ken, I don't think there was ever a time when prostitution was legal." Kyle said.

"Guys, are you forgetting who found this out?" Cartman said. "You're right, we should ask Timmy before we use it. Come on." Stan said. "Goddamn it you guys!"

* * *

"So you sure we can use it, Timmy?" Kyle clarified. "Timmy!" "OK," Stan said, "let's see, we just put in some numbers here and press go-Oh shit, why'd I press go?" The other three boys quickly grabbed onto the wheelchair not wanting to miss out, even if they didn't know what time period they were going to.

A moment later they were in a grassy field. "Kick ass, it worked!" Cartman said. "Wonder where we are." Kyle said. "Mm, mmm, mmph!" Kenny shouted and pointed to the t-rex that was running towards them. "Not now, Ken, I'm trying to read what year we're in." Stan said. Unfortunately the boys didn't see the beast until it gobbled Kenny down in one bite.

"GRAB ON!" Stan shotued as he hit the button that took them back to the present.


	2. Witchcraft

Chapter 2: Witchcraft

Fortunately, Kenny, alive and well was waiting for them in the present. "All right, my turn." Cartman said as he began to put numbers in the machine attached to Timmy's wheelchair. "Can someone tell me the coordiantes for Germany?" Kyle looked down at the numbers: 1945. "No, fat ass!" "You said you wanted to see something historic, Kahl? Why not make it personal historic event?" Kyle pushed Cartman down and began to beat him up.

"Timmy!" The boy who ws attached the machine started chaning the numbers at random. "Guys, grab onto the wheelchair, Timmy's gonna take us somewhere cool." Stan said. The boys did so, but quickly realized that some of the buttons that Timmy was pressing weren't numbers. They didn't know what they did. "No, Timmy, don't-" Kyle tried, but it was too late he already pressed the button to send them to: 1602; Permanent Mode.

"Permanent Mode?" Stan said. "Don't tell me we're stuck here!..Wherever this is." Cartman said. They were in a room where a man sat at a desk writing. Kyle instantly recognized him. "Dude, it's Shakespeare!" He looked up from his work, "And hath thou here?"

"OK, so these douchebags didn't let me use this time machine correctly, so now we're stuck in you're crappy world, and in the future people worship me so you should keep that in mind." Cartman said.

Shakespeare stared at him like he had five ears. "Look, we cometh from the future, the year 2013." Stan said. "2013, what is thou saying? Perhaps this statement be a code for witchcraft." Shakespeare pondered to himself. Then he went into a full soliloquy that was impossible to understand without cliff notes.

"Oh shit, dude, he thinks we're doing witchcraft and that means they're gonna chop off our heads." Kyle said. "Son of a bitch!" Cartman shouted. "Mmmm, mm, mmmph!" Kenny stated. "No, duh, of course getting decapitated hurts!" Stan said.


	3. To the Present, but Past Shortly After

**I was finally able to make this chapter long enough for my liking. I know the other chapters have been kind of short so I'm sorry for that. **

Chapter 3: To the Present, but Past Shortly After

"This sucks, I couldn't even ask Shakespeare all the questions I needed to look up on the internet for that bio I had to write about him." Kyle said as the five boys approached the guillotine. "We're about to have our heads chopped off and all you can think about are those stupid historic biographies Garrison assigned us." Stan said.

"We're kids, why the hell are you assholes doing this to us?" Cartman asked the crowd. "Shut up, wizarding bastard!" someone shouted. "You see, at least these hippies know that I'm big boned because I don't think I heard the word fat once in that insult." "FAT!" someone else shouted. "Goddman it!"

"I mean I had my one chance to get an A and we totally-" Someone threw a tomato at Kyle, "Redhaired devil!" "You see, Kahl, some people agree with me." Cartman said. "And hate to be mean, dude, but you kinda deserved it with your ranting." Stan said.

A man at the front of the Globe Theater where the decapitation would take place, pulled Kenny up on stage. "Kenneth McCormick." he read from a scroll.

"How the hell did they get our names?" Stan whispered. Kyle shrugged as Cartman pulled a mini bag of cheesy poofs out of his pockets and munched away.

The man continued to read from the scroll, "Thou has been accused of witchcraft and disturbing a playwrite in a proccess to be prepared for the mighty Queen Elizabeth I, and therefore thou actions art considered double thy amount of treason. How does thou plead?"

"Mmm, mmmph." Kenny replied loud and clear. "Not guilty?" The man echoed as the crowed jeered. "Well, sucketh, because thou art guilty." He pushed Kenny's neck onto the guillotine.

But before he could lock Kenny into the device, Timmy began to press the buttons on his wheelchair again. "Dude, he's undoing permanent mode, we can go home!" Kyle cried as the boys grabbed onto the wheelchair. Kenny ran after them and was so surprised when he actually made it in time to grab onto the wheelchair just as it disappeared.

"You know, I learned something today." Stan said, "The here and now is as good as it's gonna get so we should enjoy ourselves and try to make the most of our lives. Thanks for the experience Timmy, but I think we're done with time machines." The boys walked away and never touched the machine again...Or did they?

* * *

It was around 1 am and Uncle Jimbo was very drunk as he grabbed his gun to go hunting (out of season). He was heading towards the woods, when a boy stopped him, "Hi, Mr. Marsh, remember me, I'm your nephew's best friend, Kyle."

"How you do'in kiddo?" Uncle Jimbo slurred in response. "Bad, my parents won't let me get a gun." Kyle said. "Well, here, I always carry an extra one on my, enjoy." "Gee, thanks! See you later, I'll say hi to Stan for you." Kyle said as he ran off.

He ran to Timmy's house and woke the handicapped kid up. "Timmy!" "I need the time machine, I've been thinking about this all day and there's something really important that I have to do." Kyle said. He didn't wait for Timmy's response instead just punched in the numbers for Germany, early 30's.

They were then surrouned by a crowd of people. "Timmy, Timmy?" "Shhh! The Germans just made the biggest mistake in history and I'm gonna stop it, so you have to be quiet." Kyle whispered.

He clutched his gun and made his way to the front of the crowd where Germany's newly elected "president" was making his speech. "This is for my ancestors!" Kyle shouted as he shot Hitler dead.


	4. Getting High

Chapter 4: Getting High

"You seem unusually happy today, Kyle." Stan said. "Why wouldn't I be happy, I stopped the-Never mind, you wouldn't understand...Cause it never happened! Oh yeah!" Kyle said as danced around with a shit eating grin on his face. "Are you OK, dude?" "Oh, I'm better than OK, much, much better than OK."

"Mmm, mmmph." Kenny greeted his friends as he approached the bus stop. "Morning, Ken, isn't it a beautiful day?" Kyle said, before Kenny could say anything Kyle continued, "Because it is. One of the best days I ever had. So fucking awesome, you have no idea."

Cartman was last to the bus stop."Hey, assholes." "Morning, fat ass." Kenny and Stan said insync. Kyle just smirked and said, "I wonder what you'll be ripping on me today for." Cartman gave him a funny look, but decided to just go with it. "Well, let's see, you're a stupid, ginger, hippy who should die." "Anything else you wanna add to that list?" Kyle asked. "Nope, I'm good for the next five minutes."

"I fucking love you, Eric Cartman." Kyle hugged the fat ass. "Get off of me, Kyle! God, I knew you were a fag, but...Ew!" Cartman pushed Kyle off of him. "Don't blame him, I think he's high or something." Stan said. Kenny nodded.

"SHUT UP AND GET IN!" Ms. Crabtree shouted. "Stupid fat whore." Stan mumbled. "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!" "I said my bat can't roar." "Oh, I suppose he can't."

"Good morning, Ms. Crabtree, aren't you happy, well you should be because-" Stan pulled Kyle into the back of the bus. "Don't make me duck tape your moUth because you are making a complete fool out of yourself."

Kyle realized this and shut up. He took his text book out of his bag and flipped to where WWII would be listed. "It never happened! I did it, Stan! Pearl Harbor still exists and-" "Duck tape." Stan reminded him. "Oh right, sorry."

When they got to school, Stan and Kenny dragged Kyle (against his will) into Mr. Mackey's office. "What seems to be the problem, boys, mm'kay?" "We think Kyle's high." Stan said. "Oh, well, even though it's legal here in Colorado, getting high is bad, mm'kay."

"I'm not high, I'm just really happy." Kyle said. "Oh, well, we'll just have to do a urine check, mm'kay." Mackey told him. "OK, I'll be right back." Sure enough, Kyle was telling the truth, he wasn't high.

"Huh, wonder why he's acting so weird then." Stan asked Kenny. "Mmm, mmph, mmmph, mmm." "No, he would be acting all moody if he was on his period." The bell then rang, making them late for class.


	5. Consequence

Chapter 5 Consequence

There were five new kids (Stan said they had been there since Kindergarten, but they were new to Kyle) in school that day. Most of them had big noses and last names that ended in Stine or Stein or something like that.

"Wait, so every Tuesday after school, I go to Hebrew School with you guys?" Kyle asked. "Yeah, we've been doing this for two years now, where have you been?" Sara said. "I don't know, but this is so cool! I'm not the only Jew in South Park anymore. I'm not alone. They even built a Hebrew School and Temple so we don't have to drive all the way to Denver!"

The kids ignored Kyle and figured that he had probably forged the urine test and really was high. "So, what's your bar mitzvah theme gonna be?" Pete asked, "I'm going with the ocean for mine." "That's cool, my theme is candy." Tom said. "Butterflies!" Sara shouted.

"Hey, guys, check this out, Wikipedia says we're not minorities and that the Spanish Inquisition was the most recent troublesome thing in our past, maybe I'll go back in time and kill whoever was in charge of that as well and see what happens." Kyle said.

Bob was one of the smartest kids in the grade and caught on to what was going on with Kyle. "Did you use Timmy's time machine to change something in history?" "Yeah, but I did it for the benefit of all of us. You'd all be dead if I didn't do it." Kyle said.

"You can't change history without expecting to see consequences, Kyle. Our everyday lives could be changed drastically." Bob stated. "Yeah, I know Cartman doesn't rip on me anymore, and we don't have to drive to Denver to go to temple and hebrew school and I made five new friends...You guys!"

"We've been your friends for years, Kyle, it's not our fault you hang out with Stan and all of them instead of us when we're not in Hebrew school." Pete said. "I can hang out with you guys starting today if you want." Kyle said. "Deal!" Sara said.

"Guys, guys, guys, you're ignoring the significance of what happened." Bob said, "You have to go back and stop yourself from doing whatever you did right now." "Why should I? This was the greatest thing I ever did." Kyle said.

He ignored Bob's ranting and turned to his other four new friends. "So, ahve any of you guys been to Israel?" "What's that?" Sara asked. "What do you mean what's that?! It's our fucking homeland!" "Oh, that place was stolen by the Arabs in like the biblical times. You really shouldn't get high, Kyle, it messes with your brain." Pete said.

"What are you guys talking about? We were given Israel because of our suffering in the-Oh shit! No Holocaust, no Israel!" Kyle realized. "Told ya!" Bob said. "But I can't undo what I did. Then I'd be responsible for...No, we're just gonna have to get over that fact that-Goddamn it! Bye guys, I'll never see you again."

Kyle ran off determined to get Israel back even if it meant going back and stopping himself from shooting Hitler.


	6. Epilgoue

Epilgoue

"Well, I guess everything's back to normal." Kyle sighed as Cartman continued to shout him out for being Jewish. But he knew he did the right thing because of the saying:Those who don't learn from history, are bound to repeat it.

"You seem down the dumps, is anything wrong?" Stan asked. "Besides Cartman?" Kyle said. "Come on, it never gets you this upset, what's up?" "I don't know, I just thought that with the time machine we could change history, but the more I think about it, the more I think it would end up bad for all of us." "You're probably right."

"Class, your homework assignment is to find out what I should do if Mr. Slave happened to take me back but I'm not gay anymore. I want the answer early tomorrow morning or else you all get Fs!" Mr. Garrison said.

"Yup, things are definitely back to normal." Kyle said.

The End

**I know it's a crappy ending but I hope you enjoyed anyway! **


End file.
